I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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