Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
