he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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