woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
