The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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