Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
