people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
