i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
