Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize