why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
