Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
