Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
