You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
