I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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