You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
