Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
