There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
