You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
