yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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