Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
