Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
