Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
