Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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