How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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