just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
