Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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