If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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