I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
