So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
