clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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