she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
