tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
