Where is the hickey?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
