Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this is an emotional support booty call
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
