running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
