if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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