my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
