I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
