Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
