She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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