I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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