Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
