I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
