We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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