I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
