if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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