Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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