Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
