so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
