Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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