Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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