so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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