i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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