I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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