my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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