Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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