OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be