Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.

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  (914): No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/14mn
  Replies (15) Good night (896) Bad night (6495)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.

  (863): View more from Florida

  Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  At least you don't cum in color.

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  (863): UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground. (863): Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine. (321): At least you don't cum in color. http://tfl.nu/1kue
  Replies (15) Good night (2712) Bad night (889)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."

  (815): View more from Illinois

  oh god.

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  (720): By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer." (815): oh god. http://tfl.nu/0mg8
  Replies (25) Good night (4726) Bad night (780)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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  (817): Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes http://tfl.nu/2z3z
  Replies (44) Good night (913) Bad night (4213)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.

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  (330): I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies. http://tfl.nu/hccw
  Replies (9) Good night (1046) Bad night (3415)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.

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  (517): found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping. http://tfl.nu/l6f0
  Replies (7) Good night (4615) Bad night (1565)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.

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  (403): Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person. http://tfl.nu/qpdl
  Replies (15) Good night (2163) Bad night (2758)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Semen is not good for contacts.

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  (727): Semen is not good for contacts. http://tfl.nu/krg1
  Replies (10) Good night (1079) Bad night (3264)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4452) Bad night (731)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

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  (248): We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod. http://tfl.nu/ciwq
  Replies (3) Good night (2099) Bad night (1526)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.

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  (601): I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?" (601): Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success. http://tfl.nu/blht
  Replies (5) Good night (1941) Bad night (576)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

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  (907): Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me. http://tfl.nu/90ns
  Replies (27) Good night (862) Bad night (3249)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.

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  (847): He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris. http://tfl.nu/t2sy
  Replies (5) Good night (1046) Bad night (896)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...

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  (843): When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"... http://tfl.nu/sfou
  Replies (6) Good night (1847) Bad night (565)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?

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  (770): Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to? http://tfl.nu/60if
  Replies (6) Good night (1061) Bad night (410)

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