I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.