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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.

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• (714): View more from California

  im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I too understand the importance of cheesy bread

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"

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• (925): View more from California

  Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?

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