the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED