I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?