I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything