if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
