you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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