what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
