in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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