we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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