that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
