The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
