I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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