All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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